You Have Such a Lovely Face ...

"You have such a lovely face ..."

How many of us pleasantly plump women have heard these opening remarks? Whether it's Pretty Face, Lovely Face, Nice Features, whatever...

The bigger question is, How many heartless people have been cruel enough to finish the sentence? Yeah, yeah, I'm so pretty, if only I'd lose weight! I've heard it too many times to count, but I do have to admit, no one has had the audacity to finish the sentence.

Yet.

When Janet (not her real name), the woman for whom I houseclean, started this sentence one day, I cringed. Then when she asked my weight on another day, I became mad at myself for not telling her off and quitting on the spot. Several months prior, while walking past the sturdy oak secretary that her husband built, I caused it to rattle and she commented, "It doesn't rattle when Bill (not his real name either) or I walk past it ...." Her unfinished sentence hung in the air like a stale fish odor, implying that the desk shook because I was so fat.

Her other off-handed, insensitive comments about my fluffy self made me feel offended, upset, crushed, pissed. My excess weight didn't affect my ability to clean her house, so what difference did it make if I was 225 or 125? Skinny people have no idea what it's like, so they should just keep their pie holes shut.

I didn't want to admit that I was overweight by 100 lbs. At my heaviest, I weighed 237 in January 2000. I joined Weight Watchers and 24-Hour Fitness and lost 70 lbs. in 9 months. I slimmed down from a size 26 (on good days) to a size 10, but I was hit with a family crisis and slowly put the weight back on over the next 5 years.

The other time I lost a large amount of weight was in 1991, when my daughter was a baby. I met a man who was interested in me, but only if I lost weight. At the time, I weighed 206. After joining Nutrisystem, I got down to 139 within 8 months, a weight I hadn't seen since I was 19. I hadn't worn a size 8 since elementary school, but it wasn't good enough for him--he insisted I have liposuction done.

So I ditched him.

Looking back, I realized I lost the weight for all the wrong reasons. I had to do it for ME, not for a man. I wanted to set a good example for my kids, but I didn't have the discipline to stay on track. Fast forward to 2007, I wanted to slim down before I got married on July 7th, so I joined Weight Watchers again (for about the 34th time) and was able to wear a size 14 dress on my wedding day. Before I gave up yet again after my father passed away, I was down to 161 and a size 12.

This time, after hearing the "You have such a lovely face" from Janet, I was bound and determined to gain even more. "I'll show her!" I told myself. Besides, my husband loved me for WHO I was, not for the NUMBER ON THE SCALE. It was THEIR problem, whomever it was complaining about my weight at the time, not mine!

Things changed when I got a call from my mother in March inviting me to go on a cruise in December--on her dime. Now what? I couldn't face my family as a size 26! I wouldn't dare set a bare foot on that Bahama beach in a bathing suit, not when someone could scream, "Look at that beached whale!"

Once again, I turned to my beloved Weight Watchers. "Just for the cruise," I told myself. Then I can go back to being fat.

I don't know what possessed me to tell Janet I joined. Was that a sneer on her face or was it a genuine smile from a woman who was happy to hear that I was turning my life around? Whatever the case, I desperately needed her support and approval.

"I tell you what," she bargained. "I'll raise you to $25 an hour if you can lose 6 lbs. a month." Her eyes gleamed as I considered her offer. Money has never been a motivator for me. "And I'll throw in a new bathing suit as a bonus if you reach your goal weight by Christmas."

Nope, that wasn't tempting me either. I just wanted to lose the weight to prove to her I could do it. And so that she'd stop complaining about her rattling secretary. And so that she'd let me sit on the very sturdy bench, also made by Bill, in their foyer. And so that I could squeeze past her in the kitchen while she was ironing without having her comment. And so that ...

See what I mean by insensitive remarks? My mother always taught me, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

This especially applies to remarks directed at fat people.