Free At Last!

I was running late for my Weight Watchers meeting, as always. As I looked over at Debbie at the reception desk at the 8th Street location, she said, "You're up .2."

"Point two?" I asked excitedly. She confirmed. "I'll take it! Considering all the binging I did this week, it should be two pounds, not point-two!"

As I sat in my chair in the front row to listen to Meredy talk about exercise goals, a fog started to descend on me. In less than 3 hours, I had to check in with the dreaded housecleaning client. And ohhhhhh, boy, she'd be mad I gained weight, especially after telling me last week she was tired of me being in the 160's, she wanted me in the 150's! But when I thought about the chocolate truffles and ice cream I had from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, the popcorn from Carmike, the Whoopie Pies and Sugar Cookies from King Soopers, the spoonfuls of Nestle Quik and Jif peanut butter I shoved down my throat ... I knew I got off easy this week. Yes, I ran 6.75 miles yesterday, but the 672 calories I burned didn't begin to balance out all the calories I took in.

After the meeting, I headed to the gym to do my usual weight resistance training. I was able to increase the weights on my leg presses, bicep and ab curls, and lat press. But as I drove to my client's house, my stomach started to churn and I felt nauseous. I experienced these feelings every time I went because of all the criticism I had to hear from her every week. Last night, I had made up my mind that I was going to put my foot down, once and for all, and tell her what I needed from her: encouragement, not criticism. After all, WW teaches us mental rehearsing and reframing, and I had to put it into practice if I was going to succeed with my weight loss/fitness goals.

I stopped at the park across the street from their neighborhood and called my husband. "Can you pray for me, Honey? I've decided that today is the day I'm going to tell Janet that I'm not going to let her criticize me anymore." He prayed that Janet's heart and ears would be opened, that God would give me the words to speak, and to fill me with His courage. I felt a little more confident, but I was trembling when I pulled up in front of her house. I purposely left my weigh-in book in the trunk of my car, took a deep breath, and raised my head in confidence as I knocked on the door. She waved me in.

As I entered the kitchen, she immediately looked down at my hands. "Where's your book?" she demanded.

Some things never change.

"I need to talk to you, Janet. Do you have a minute?"

"Yes."

Whew, here goes nothing! "Can you take a seat? Because I really need you to hear what I have to say." Wow, where was this courage coming from?

She sat, and I began.

"I've been working for you for almost two years now, and the whole time, I have received nothing but criticism from you--"

She interrupted. "I know. I have something for you." She indicated an envelope on her kitchen island. I didn't care if it was a card that said she was proud of me, if it was a bonus check, or what. I needed to finish speaking before I chickened out.

I plunged on, tears welling up in my eyes. "I am a nervous wreck every time I come over here because I'm always afraid of what you're going to say. I have purged and binged as a result of being scared of what you're going to say to me, or because of how you've put me down, and I've never done that before."

"I haven't only said negative things," she argued.

"That's true," I admitted. "But most of it has been negative. If I'm going to succeed at this, I need encouragement from you, not criticism."

"You're the one who asked for this," she retorted.

"I asked for the weight loss. I didn't ask for you to criticize me or put me down every single time I come over here."

"Then maybe you should quit."

Her suggestion stopped me in my tracks. "Quit what?" I asked. Quit my diet? After all I've been through and how hard I've worked? I wasn't giving up now!

"Quit coming here. Maybe you should just walk out the door right now and never come back."

Wow, that was not the answer I was expecting. In fact, I was prepared to set some boundaries, spell out what I needed from her, and be able to count on her positive support from here on out. But as I looked into her eyes, in that split second, I realized there was no changing her. If I was going to get this monkey off my back, I had to heed her words, and walk out.

"I believe you're right," I said. I stood, grabbed my shoes and keys out of the closet, walked out to my car, in my stocking feet, and never looked back. As I put the car into reverse, I broke into tears, and laughed all the way out the neighborhood.

I'm free! I'm free! I couldn't believe it! I called my husband with the good news. He laughed with me, but was concerned when he heard my sobbing.

"These are tears of joy, Honey! Can't you see I've gotten my freedom back? She can't hurt me anymore!"

I hung up and continued crying/laughing all the way home. Greg called back, "Should we go to IHOP to celebrate?" I burst into fresh laughter. "No, Silly! Just because I'm free doesn't mean I can go off my diet! I'll see you in a little bit."

As I pulled into the parking spot and cut the engine, I gripped the steering wheel and set my head down, crying fresh tears. By the time Greg approached and opened the door, I was sobbing loudly. I looked over at him and started cracking up! "Can you believe it? I stood up for myself for once in my life, and she FIRED me! Is that not the funniest thing you've ever heard?" We laughed together as I continued, "Free at last, free at last, thank GOD I am free at last!"

We gathered our belongings out of the trunk of the car and walked to the house. I laughed the whole way.

"You're glowing, Honey! I've never seen you look so beautiful," he said as he hugged me. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks! I've never felt so beautiful. And light! That was the easiest 90 lbs. I've ever lost, and it only took two minutes!"